Under Dim Self

by Jeff McLeod

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Nearly a year in the making. Short. Stark. Dark. Concise. Curses. Laments. Memories. Life is short. Now is almost over.

This is the first in a trilogy of recordings, continuing with 2012's Scalps Of Gods and completing with 2013's Borne Down Upon.


released November 9, 2011

Written, executed & recorded by Jeff McLeod at The Subversive Workshop from January to November of 2011.

Under Dim Self art created by Neal Williams at epicproblems.com.

Track 2 is for Jim Tankersley.



Track Name: Under Dim Self
I'm not alone by shrinking fires.
I'm not a foe unless I like.
I'm not afraid of the world
Under dim self.

The sorry light upon the weak.
The countenance of god in ash.
I'm not aware of its worth
Under dim self.

The less we know, the less we are.
The lesser lives of those below
Are not afraid and not undone
Under dim self.
Track Name: inthealtogether
I imagine that you've gone missing.
You will return. Of that I'm sure.
I imagine that you're just sleeping.
I want you to wake up, but it can't be.

Oh, the friendship and unguarded nature
Of minds so alike we knew to call.
Your art in my hand, your name on my mind.
I felt you hurting, but could not see.
Track Name: Choking Ghostly
Cosmic mind varieties now will entwine every single part of me, myself and I, myself dead-eyed, myself disguised, myself over underneath roses razored like wire sculptures from a mummified red endtime rosary choking ghostly man-made past lives, a slow child turning dead in such oily seas.

Such a wonder is the useless candle burning in your window.

East of Heaven lies an impulse to forget and spread the path with poison seed sown by ageless and malignant cautious spectres just not ready to be freed by your passing and you're passing yourself slowly in the meantime right through me . . . energy that's not worth feeling, not worth having, not worth turning like some key.

Such a wonder is the useless candle burning in your window. Such a wonder. Such a wonder. Such a wonder.
Track Name: Christmas Curse
I'll only say this out of my senses.
You'll only listen if it's an offer.

I'm wishing you nothing
But nothing in dozens.

There are no memories inside a pocket.
None that will help stop what I am sending.

You'll never smooth out,
Creased with your lying.
Why don't you sit down,
Get busy dying.

It's for nothing.
It's for nothing.
All your breathing
Gets you is buried.
Track Name: Eternally (Aeternally)
Unencumbered life, visions of the holy
Breeding more to fight enemies shadowed.
Blissful times of strife, needles shooting his blood
Into mouths like sores, ripened, gaped and randy.

Oh, please fuck my life with visions of the holy.
Come to me like thieves, shadows that will sex me.
Under floors and knives, ants fill up my belly.
I birth an exoskel, a word he gave unto me.
Track Name: Unrelate
It's in the meaning below
The grate that ruins your concrete.
The brain is now a harness.
The brain is now a harness.
It's in the mean of your brow,
The way you unrelate me.

You are a withered shadow.
So long.
Track Name: Loopfail
May your endeavors loopfail forever.
I will be grateful, for soon you won't be.
And when the sun sets, you go to sleep there
Where you must lay down like I won't lay down.
Track Name: Laughingmatter
Innocent rage out of supply.
Demand a lie . . . demand a day
Out of your mind, out of a page,
Swollen and fey, dollars and lime.

It's all a laughingmatter.

Over a plague eternal, right.
Out of that space, out of that time.
Implants sublime, sold to the child
Of man man-made, of man in death.

It's all a laughingmatter.